I love candy. Pretty much any kind, but especially chocolate. I am a candy connoisseur.
My husband is not. (Unless we are talking about Irish chocolate.)
I had purchased some Easter candy for the kids but couldn't seem to get back to the store alone to get the rest so I sent my husband an email at work asking him to buy the remaining items. I sent him a list of what I already purchased and listed the items still needed (chocolate bunnies, Cadbury milk chocolate eggs, M&Ms, etc.) CHOCOLATE. All the items on the list were chocolate.
The night before Easter he pulled out his purchases. Here's what he bought:
- Sour Patch Kids
- Sour Watermelon Drops
- Sour Patch Jelly Beans
- Swedish Fish
- Mints (they were totally gross -- they looked like marshmallows but had CANADA imprinted on them)
- Chocolate Bunnies
And then I look at the bunnies.
Three out of four of the rabbits were all shrunken and lumpy. Why? Because he bought them on his lunch hour and left them in the car for the rest of day while we were having record-breaking heat. Needless to say, there was a lot of whining the next morning. "What happened to my rabbit?! Why is it melted?! Hey! His rabbit isn't melted, why is mine?! That's not fair!"
And then, "Ew. Sour jelly beans? Where are the Jolly Rancher jelly beans like last year? What are these mint things? And peeps? Don't you remember that no one in this house likes peeps? Why do we get peeps every year if no one likes them?" (My fault, I bought the peeps.)
I will say that the Nerds (my buy) were a hit.
I told my husband that he lost his job and will no longer be on candy detail.
But that didn't last long because it is so much easier for him to stop on his way home from work to pick-up needed items than it is for me to trek to the store with 2-5 kids in tow. So on Tuesday afternoon my daughter sent an email to my husband asking him to pick-up candy for her and her sister to eat during the PSSAs (Pennsylvania State Standardized Assessment tests). The PSSAs started yesterday and will be administered daily during the next 2+ weeks. (I know, overkill for sure but that's education in the 21st Century.) ANYWAY, the kids are allowed to have candy to suck on during the test. So my husband stopped on his way home and bought each girl a bag of Life Savers.
Sugar-free Life Savers.
Have you ever eaten more than your share of sugar-free candy? I personally have not (since I love sugar so much) but I had a diabetic friend in high school who did. And believe me, it's not pretty.
So both girls came home from school yesterday and reported that they were getting sick because they had stomach cramps and had to run to the bathroom 3x yesterday. I assumed they were just nervous from test-taking. But THEN I discovered the almost-empty bags of sugar-free candy and now I know why they had such gastric issues.
What was he thinking?! He knows that sugar-free candy messes with your intestines. He also knows that if you give a kid a whole bag, they are most likely going to eat the whole bag. Especially if they are not allowed to have candy at school except for this one time, just during testing. If they can eat as much as they want during the test then of course they are going to eat it all. (Which is why you should buy them Tic Tacs, not a whole bag of candy.)
My husband is DEFINITELY off candy detail from now on.
The Candy Man he is not.