Thursday, November 29, 2007

Dishwasher Drama

I own 3 dishwashers.

Dishwasher #1
The one we've had for several years that was a hand-me-down. My husband has been wanting to replace it for months. He doesn't like that you have to rinse the dishes before putting them into the dishwasher. I do not mind rinsing the dishes. And really, who does more dishes in this house, him or me? He claims that it would be more cost-effective to replace it, rather than waste water rinsing the plates. This is the same man who leaves the tap running while he is brushing his teeth so I don't know why he would be concerned about wasting water on dishes. He also claims that it keeps him awake at night. Literally. He always turns on the dishwasher before he goes up to bed. Our room is on the opposite side of the house from the kitchen AND he closes the door at the top of the stairs AND he closes the door to our room but he claims that he can still hear it running.

Dishwasher #2
We went to Sears a few weeks ago to buy new stools for our kitchen. However, once we got there, my husband decided that the stools were too large so we didn't buy them. We did however, end up buying both a food processor AND a dishwasher. We were not planning on buying either. But my husband noticed a floor model dishwasher on clearance and the next thing I know, we are getting a new dishwasher.

Dishwasher #3
After we got home from Sears, my husband suffered from Buyers Remorse. He started researching dishwashers on the internet and reading Consumer Reports. He went onto the Sears website and bought ANOTHER dishwasher because it was a special, online deal, 1 day only and he though it was a better purchase than the one he purchased in the store 1 hour earlier.

We are in the process of getting a credit for dishwasher #2 and dishwasher #3 arrived home with my husband last night. My husband is very handy so we are do-it-yourself homeowners. He picked-up the dishwasher on his lunch hour and I helped him carry it into our house last night. I knew he was bringing it home so I called him and asked if he wanted me to run dishwasher #1 so that I could empty it so that he could install dishwasher #3. He said no, don't bother. Well, it turns out that he could not wait to install the new dishwasher so he unloaded all the dirty dishes from our current dishwasher onto the counter. Along with all the pots and pans from cooking dinner. And did I mention that we had a table full of dirty dishes on the dining room table and no dishwasher? He disconnected our current dishwasher so that he could hook-up the new one.

But first he had to drain the water out of the old one. As my oldest daughter says, "That smells like poop." The water is stale, scummy and smelly and lurks in dishwasher pipes. A lot of the stinky water drained out but some of it drained into the cabinet adjacent to the dishwasher, all over my clean pots and pans. The rest of it drained out on my feet as I helped my husband carry dishwasher #1 outside.

In the meantime, the boys had a field day with the styrofoam panels that were packaged with the dishwasher. My husband gave them his electric drill and let them drill holes in the styrofoam. THANK YOU, now there are 10,000 pieces of styrofoam all over my floor! So not only do I have a ton of dishes and no working dishwasher, I also have to vacuum meticulously to get up the tiny pieces of styrofoam. At this point, my husband decides that he really cannot complete the job without going to Home Depot. WHY OH WHY did he have to do this on a weeknight?! That is what weekends are for! So while he was at Home Depot, I vacuumed and then got the kids showered and ready for bed.

Apparently while I was vacuuming, the boys got into my husband's tools because when he came home from Home Depot, he was shouting things like, "Where's my spanner?! Boys! What did you do with my thingamajig?" My husband was born and raised in Ireland so lots of times he has different names for tools than Americans do. And he is also the kind of person who thinks faster than he talks so he rarely calls items by their names but instead calls them "thingys" or something like that so you never really know what he is talking about. Well I guess he found his missing tools because by the time the kids went to bed, he had dishwasher #3 up and running.

So now I am getting to know my new dishwasher. Which is really a lot like shopping for jeans. First there is a lot of moving things around, trying to get them to fit into the dishwasher (jeans). You might have to try a couple different arrangements (jeans) before you find one that works for you. Then you have to add the detergent. This is the part of jeans-shopping where you try to fool yourself and you think, "Well maybe if I wash them in cold water and don't put them in the dryer then they won't shrink and I will be able to button them." And then there are the buttons. You have to figure out the buttons. Which buttons will work for you? Or maybe, as in the case of jeans, you should not even bother with the buttons because then you might not be able to breathe. Which brings us full-circle because the reason you can't breathe in the jeans is because you are too darn much food and that is why your dishwasher is full!

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